Surrender

The next night he's over and over and under
and after he's finished she lies there and wonders.
just why does she need him and why does she stay here
and then in the darkness she'll quietly say Dear,
you've never really known that when the white flag
is flown, no one no one no one has won the war.

`The Flag - Barenaked Ladies

Who wins when the white flag is flown? Does anyone?

Maybe I think too much. Today I surrendered. I gave in to the torment, and pain. I surrendered myself, and my control. I surrendered any perceived control I have over my feelings, my reactions, and my body.

And, I begged for it. I begged for the humiliation. And when he said that he broke me because he was bored, and it was something to do - well, being reduced to trivia was enough to throw me over the edge. The pain was set free and I surrendered. I was reduced to a sobbing mess.

Is this what it is about? Is humiliation the trigger that allows the surrender? Sets the pain free?

I don't know, but I still have the headache.