Ache

"It's a matter of instinct, it's a matter of conditioning, It's a matter of fact.
You can call me Pavlov's dog.
Ring a bell and I'll salivate- how'd you like that?"
~ Brian Wilson ~ Barenaked Ladies

It is a matter of conditioning. It is definitely a matter of fact. And it is absolutely my instinct, that tells me that I have a submissive soul.

Its an ache that starts deep inside. The response may indeed be conditioned, but the ache is mine. Its an ache to please. To lay myself bare in his eyes, and give him whatever he wants. Be it pain and suffering, or tenderness. Needed or abused. To be only for him in that moment, any moment that he wishes.

To surrender all that I am. The strength that I carry. The load that I bare. The love that I hold in my heart. That is not conditioning. That is me.

And I'm at the very beginning of understanding that Me, isn't so bad afterall.