Fear

And when you're feeling open

I'll still be here

But not without a certain degree of fear

Of what will be with you and me

~ Run Around - Blues Traveler

Fear is the basis of all anxiety. An anxious soul is never settled. It never quite finds peace, even in reassurance. It is always looking for the next worry. Always on guard for the latest and greatest threat. It lives in constant fear of the unknown.

Even the known is a threat to the anxious mind. Because what if the known is not what it seems.

The anxious mind questions everything, everyone, and all intentions. It never quite believes anything is safe.

It mistakenly believes that questioning everything leaves no room for surprises. It is a form of control.

What it fails to remember is that there is no control, really. Its an illusion. A person can only control their own actions and reactions.

Its a mind fuck. One that you play with yourself. If I worry about it, it won't happen - or if it does, I've anticipated the worse. In training to gain the peace you are so desparately seeking - you fall into the trap of never allowing yourself a moment to not think. To not fear. To trust.

Because the real mindfuck, is that the anxious person assumes they can only trust themselves - and they are truly their own worse enemy.

Someday - I'll get it right.