Letters to Master - Day 2

"At times it is strangely seductive to know the extent of your own powerlessness." Erica Jong

Master,

The extent of my utter powerlessness with you is evident. If I knew before what it meant to suffer, I've been sadly mistaken. My heart is breaking, and I fear never being whole again. At the same time, my body aches for you stronger than it ever has. Part of me wants to run from you, screaming, tell you to go to hell ... and the other part wants to beg you to save me from my own hell. The hell of knowing that you are with her, and she is beautiful and lovely and young. Things I will never be.

You have said not to compare. I try. I fail. I fear never being the person you fear losing. I fear that I will no longer be the favorite toy. I will cease to be your pet. I will forever be the stupid whore, begging for your attention ... begging for your cock. Begging to suffer, fearing not to, and aching for it always. Wanting and dreaming for things that I don't have.

All day, I waited. After your initial communication, which rocked me to my core, and made me feel as useless as I've ever been, I waited. I clutched my phone for any word that you were thinking of me. There was nothing. My house is cleaner than it has ever been.

And then you told me you decided to not, that you wanted me to suffer.

I wanted to scream. To yell "the fuck do you think I have been doing for week's on end when I know that she is the only thing on your brain". Then comes the guilt I feel because it seems so god damned selfish.

I almost went too far. Until you said you were getting annoyed, and I realized that this is who I am. This is what I signed up for. I am yours, and I will take what you have to give me. All the pain, and all the torment. I will do it for your pleasure and I will thank you for it. I am crazed for you. My body is on fire. My nipples are hard, and my clit. I'm aching for you in a way that I never have.

And its only Day 2 of the weekend, and its going to get worse. You've promised to make me suffer, and so I shall. All I can do is wait and endure, and try to be the best pet/whore/submissive I can be, and give in to what you want.

Even as I write this, my daughter sitting on the floor next to me, I'm trying so desparately not to cry. I am humiliated in a way that even several days ago I could never have fathomed.

I feel useless. I feel powerless. I feel inferior. It fucking hurts.

And I love you.

your whore