Pain, redux

E. Edward Grey: Why do you cut yourself, Lee?
Lee: I don't know.
E. Edward Grey: Is it that sometimes the pain inside has to come to the surface, and when you see evidence of the pain inside you finally know you're really here? Then, when you watch the wound heal, it's comforting... isn't it?
Lee: I... That's a way to put it.

From Secretary

I've never seen this movie, though I want to. This quote smacked me across the face in a very real way though.

I'm not a cutter. Never had any inclination to be. I also never thought I would find myself shoving a needle through my flesh and at some point finding it pleasurable.

But this makes sense to me more in the sense of real emotional pain. Why do I crave to be debased to the point of a babbling idiot?

Maybe because it allows me to feel the pain that's already there, and let it out into the world. Give it a life outside of me and release it.

But, the crucial point is finally releasing it. I think maybe that's where I fail too often.