Worry & Control

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Charles F. Kettering
Its that old adage about having control over your own reactions to events in your life. Nothing has the ability to cause you pain unless you allow it. To me, to a certain extent, this is bullshit. People will experience pain. To say that the pain of grief is something we choose is ridiculous in my estimation. What we learn from it, what we do with it, and where we go with it is the thing we can control.

Life causes pain. Death & Loss are unavoidable. Pain is unavoidable. Choosing how to deal with it is what we are given to do.

If I look back at the things that have occured in my life that have caused the most pain, they are also the things that I learned most from. The death of my T-Man, so young, taught me that life is precious, and we never know how much time we will have.

Maybe its a lesson that I need to keep in front of me, because I spend way too much time dwelling on things that I have no control over. Over the years, I have learned to let small things go that would have normally turned me inside out. Whether the car gets dinged, or the raise doesn't come through is not something that tears me up for days on end. But there are still things in life that I should spend less time worrying about. Is this person mad at me? Does this person love me? Is there something I should have done better? Is there something I can do better?

Its like I'm missing out on what the greatest pain in my life has taught me, and I put myself through all these little pains as if they are the greatest.

I don't know ... maybe I ramble, but I'm tired of watching my life go by with me worrying over the small things, when I know from experience that the pain can be so much worse.