Dear Master -
How does it feel to know you hold my heart in your hand? To know that with a small word or phrase you can shatter me in to so many pieces? What does it feel like? What does it mean to have that kind of power over someone? And does it mean more than your power is over an intelligent, strong woman? Does it mean that much more?
You see, I sit and blog and contemplate my feelings and the things I get out of being your pet, your whore ...
But often, like today, I ponder what is in it for you. I am neurotic, over sensitive, and generally a pain in the ass a lot of the time. And quite frankly, I wonder why you even bother. You have so much more in your life.
I am so grateful for all that you've done for me. You are an amazing person, and I'm lucky to call you friend, as well as Master. You have taught me how to feel the most amazing things ... even now, when I haven't even heard your voice today, just the thought of it, makes me tingle. Your laugh warms me, your intelligence lights my life, and your command sends me toward ecstacy.
With love beyond reason -
~your pet
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
On being a burden
It is one of the feelings I struggle with most. I often feel that if I express a need, or make a request of someone that I'm being a burden.
Funny how I don't feel the same in reverse. I don't think of my friends (except for 1) and loves as burdens.
But, I absolutely cannot ask for something for myself without feeling like 1.) I don't deserve it 2.) that I'm being burdensome 3.) that I don't deserve it ... oh wait, I said that twice.
Selp help books and guru's say that you should take time to express your desires, your wants, and needs. That everyone needs something that is there own in the world.
Why does it seem so impossible for me to do that? And yet, I can give others that for themselves.
Funny how I don't feel the same in reverse. I don't think of my friends (except for 1) and loves as burdens.
But, I absolutely cannot ask for something for myself without feeling like 1.) I don't deserve it 2.) that I'm being burdensome 3.) that I don't deserve it ... oh wait, I said that twice.
Selp help books and guru's say that you should take time to express your desires, your wants, and needs. That everyone needs something that is there own in the world.
Why does it seem so impossible for me to do that? And yet, I can give others that for themselves.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Empathy & Pain
"You, my dear, cry for the pains of a thankless world. That makes your tears both all the more precious and all the more wasted." - The one I call Master & Friend
It has been said about the sign of Pisces that we have an innate ability to feel immense compassion, to the point of feeling another's pain, and being able to place ourselves into that person's shoes. To, me, this is certainly true. There is no real pride in that statement, or bragging. In my life, its just a fact. I can feel another's pain. I also take it on myself as if it were my own.
The idea of pain as a release has been clunking in my brain a lot lately, and I realized something ... a brief ephiphany, if you will.
I've always thought of pain given to me in a sexual situation, be it physical or emotional sense as something that let me release any pain I harbored inside. As the years have went on, it seems that I crave this more and more.
It occured to me that maybe my need for this type of release is not just to release my own pain ... but to release the pain that I take on for everyone else too. And, it made perfect sense to me.
You see, as much as I don't want them to, my tears all too often feel wasted. As if my compassion & empathy are used and then discarded. But it doesn't stop me from caring, and trying. I hurt for the people I love, and don't take time to feel my own hurt. Then when I do, I shut down completely.
This is turned into more of a ramble than I wanted it to. Maybe I need to think it through some more, but I do know that I'm tired of wasted tears. I wish for someone to find them precious.
It has been said about the sign of Pisces that we have an innate ability to feel immense compassion, to the point of feeling another's pain, and being able to place ourselves into that person's shoes. To, me, this is certainly true. There is no real pride in that statement, or bragging. In my life, its just a fact. I can feel another's pain. I also take it on myself as if it were my own.
The idea of pain as a release has been clunking in my brain a lot lately, and I realized something ... a brief ephiphany, if you will.
I've always thought of pain given to me in a sexual situation, be it physical or emotional sense as something that let me release any pain I harbored inside. As the years have went on, it seems that I crave this more and more.
It occured to me that maybe my need for this type of release is not just to release my own pain ... but to release the pain that I take on for everyone else too. And, it made perfect sense to me.
You see, as much as I don't want them to, my tears all too often feel wasted. As if my compassion & empathy are used and then discarded. But it doesn't stop me from caring, and trying. I hurt for the people I love, and don't take time to feel my own hurt. Then when I do, I shut down completely.
This is turned into more of a ramble than I wanted it to. Maybe I need to think it through some more, but I do know that I'm tired of wasted tears. I wish for someone to find them precious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)