Waves

"Damn that is cold" - Me, circa 1985, stepping in to Grand Traverse bay on Lake Michigan.

What's funny about that statement, is that I've repeated it so many times when stepping in to Michigan or Huron. (Lord knows you don't swim in Lake Superior) And yet, I always continue walking into the water of the Great Lakes, feeling the waves crash into me, eventually standing with my back to them, letting them catch me and carry me to where they will. Hopefully, and most often to the shore. Where I stand for a moments shivering before turning, and wading back into the waters of my childhood, and more than likely my future.

I got to sea the ocean last year. It was the first time I stood in salt water. And it was beautiful. And I could imagine myself lying on those waves the same as the waves of my childhood. So similar and yet different. (and damn if it wasn't just as cold)

Yes, I do have a point, I'm just being verbose and full of imagery ... sue me, its my blog.

There is this deep need in me. I can go days, sometimes weeks without feeling its force. Not that it isn't always there. It is. I'm even aware of it. In those times it is subtle. Lying in wait just underneath my skin. Ready to surface at any time, rising through of the layers of everyday life.

When it hits, though, it is not unlike stepping into those cold waters. You love it, fear it, hate it, relish it, feel it resonate in all of your bones. It is in a word definitive. It propels you to jump in regardless of the waves.

and just like waves, the more you fight them the harder it is. Swimming against them is impossible, it takes your breath away. But riding them, :sigh: you are swept in a magnicent journey that can be scary and wonderful all at once.

Here is the rub though .... riding the waves is a delirious, joyous, fearful thing. You give control over to something wild and wonderful. The wave can carry you laughing or crying back to shore depending on the day, or the pull of the moon. It may decide to lull you to sleep, or to send you crashing in to shore. But lets be clear, stepping in to the waters is not a decision. Its already been made for me. It was carefully contstructed in to my psyche to crave those waters as part of my life ... my existence. I gave myself over to that long ago. It is a built in ache that can crash through the surface of my existence at any time.

The scary part is when you realize that while you need the wave .... the ride, the thrill, the abandon of control, the fear, ... the unknown ..........


The wave doesn't need you.